My Dad First Year Death Anniversary.

My dad passed away a year ago on this same day and month last year. I was at the temple where his ashes lies bottled up in an urn on 28th October, his anniversary according to Chinese calendar. He has been away “vacationing” for a year already. I hope he enjoys his vacation as a man with no illness and no worries. When he is on this part of the world, his left leg used to be very weak, suspected of a minor stroke, hence he walks with a limp. Although we still think of him once in a while especially during a day like this and there are times that we wished he is still around to share with us, our “life achievement” like sitting on our new car but we gotta to do what ever we gotta to do. This is not a permanent separation.

I do remember one sentence my dad told me 2-3 weeks before he passed away suddenly is that he wishes to sit on his own Mercedes Benz one day. We could not buy a Mercedes Benz now but we will buy one when we could. We will then drive around with his picture sitting beside us, wouldn’t it be fun. As we grows older and move along in our life’s without him by our side, I realise there are a lot characters we shared. The way we talked, our expression, the way I walk around after waking up holding my pants. At least we know we have some part of his character living in us.

For those who lose their loved one, who still feels the pain in which I truly understand, I wish to share my thoughts of the matter. Life here is just a facade, a prelude to a much better world in which we will all be in one day. What better way for us to do is to enjoy every minute of our life here as there is no better way for us to remember our love one then to enjoyed ourselves. No love ones of us be it living or “vacationing” would like to see us unhappy or unwell. Do not hold grudges on yourself or others for not doing enough for your love ones. Last year when I was pushed into the operating room and when the anaesthesia hits my system I was totally unconscious, totally black out. I guess this will be the same feeling someone will get when they are on their way to “vacation”, the tunnel in which we travel before reaching the other world. As we crossed that tunnel all things will be left behind, the sadness, the hatred, the grudges, the happiness and etc. All physical objects will no longer exist and we no longer could feel or hold it. It likes a piece of art drawn on a canvas, its colour and contents being slowly wash away, transforming it back to a plain canvas again. Hence there is always no pass but just present.