Alien Body

Yesterday I came back from Thailand using Air Asia. When I was sitting on the plane before it take off, I felt that I could not breathe properly, I glance at the stewardess who has her hair tied up nicely with her short red skirt, black shining pantyhose and her red gloss lips helplessly. I almost told her that I need to go to the hospital as I am having problem with breathing. I felt like somebody is squeezing the air out of me. I am not sure what happen, I have been feeling breathless quite often recently. My memory is going from bad to worst; it might be due to these recurrent breathless episodes that cause the brain to lack of oxygen.

At first I thought it might be due to the surgery but yesterday was quite bad. I did not do anything or exercise except I was reading the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Maybe I was too excited; the book was quite a thriller and full of surprises. The first thing that flashes through my mind is that if I die this way, it’s much better than with pain. Dying breathless like in a heart attack is a temporary surge of pain as compare with dying with continuous pain until you need morphine as pain killer will be one of the worst scenarios of cancer. Well most likely I will go for an early checkup.

After I was diagnose with cancer and after the operation I often felt that my body is taken over by some aliens. It no longer follow my instructions, it has its own agenda. I felt almost like the owner now is someone else. Actually I think my cancer could have started since I am 30 years old, I have once told my friend that is the time I felt that my body is no longer young. I used to be quite a workaholic and my memory is quite good. My memory is good until that I could remember how many piece of 50, 10, 5 dollar notes and etc. in my wallet at any time. I could flip through few screens of codes and still remember the computer codes that I have saw in the first screens. That was past tense after 30, I feel tired easily, difficulty to sleep and difficult to breathe before I sleep. I am not expecting my body to be 100 percent after all the stress and the misguided cells building up in my kidney but I hope one day it will once again follow my instructions and needs.