Tuesday, November 08, 2005

My Dad First Year Death Anniversary.

My dad passed away a year ago on this same day and month last year. I was at the temple where his ashes lies bottled up in an urn on 28th October, his anniversary according to Chinese calendar. He has been away “vacationing” for a year already. I hope he enjoys his vacation as a man with no illness and no worries. When he is on this part of the world, his left leg used to be very weak, suspected of a minor stroke, hence he walks with a limp. Although we still think of him once in a while especially during a day like this and there are times that we wished he is still around to share with us, our “life achievement” like sitting on our new car but we gotta to do what ever we gotta to do. This is not a permanent separation.

I do remember one sentence my dad told me 2-3 weeks before he passed away suddenly is that he wishes to sit on his own Mercedes Benz one day. We could not buy a Mercedes Benz now but we will buy one when we could. We will then drive around with his picture sitting beside us, wouldn’t it be fun. As we grows older and move along in our life’s without him by our side, I realise there are a lot characters we shared. The way we talked, our expression, the way I walk around after waking up holding my pants. At least we know we have some part of his character living in us.

For those who lose their loved one, who still feels the pain in which I truly understand, I wish to share my thoughts of the matter. Life here is just a facade, a prelude to a much better world in which we will all be in one day. What better way for us to do is to enjoy every minute of our life here as there is no better way for us to remember our love one then to enjoyed ourselves. No love ones of us be it living or “vacationing” would like to see us unhappy or unwell. Do not hold grudges on yourself or others for not doing enough for your love ones. Last year when I was pushed into the operating room and when the anaesthesia hits my system I was totally unconscious, totally black out. I guess this will be the same feeling someone will get when they are on their way to “vacation”, the tunnel in which we travel before reaching the other world. As we crossed that tunnel all things will be left behind, the sadness, the hatred, the grudges, the happiness and etc. All physical objects will no longer exist and we no longer could feel or hold it. It likes a piece of art drawn on a canvas, its colour and contents being slowly wash away, transforming it back to a plain canvas again. Hence there is always no pass but just present.


Selba said...

What a really deep thoughts of what you have written! Well, sometimes the regret feeling or grudges for not doing enough for our love ones still comes, it's a misrable feeling :,(
I know exactly how it feel when anaesthesia hits our system, I really hope and cross all my fingers that it will be exactly the same feeling we got when we died. I really don't like the idea that there's another life (heaven and hell) after we are completely out of this world.

Lynne said...

You are such a sweet, sweet, sweet son, your dad will be most glad!

5xmom ~chanlilian.net~ said...

Beautiful thoughts, albeit sad. Hey, if your religion is ok with it, go get one Merc with an amat (driver) and burn it. Whatever comforts the grieving party, works. And if you do not follow that, then, I am very sure your dad up there is having a wonderful time. Until that day when you meet again. Rest in peace, Mr. Soo Senior!

multidimid said...

Life implies death, and death implies life--that is, in the terms of your world. You could not die unless you were the kind of creature who was born, nor could you have a present moment as you consider it.

Your body is aware of the fact of its death at birth, and of its birth at its death, for all of its possibilities for action take place in the area between. So don’t be afraid to die if you are prepared!

Death is therefore as creative as birth, as necessary for action and consciousness, in your terms.

Death, however, does not exist in those terms. In the dawn of physical existence, men knew that death was merely a change of form. A death is just a night to your soul.

Existence is larger than life or death. Life and death are both states of existence. An identity exists whether it is in the state of life or in the state of death.

Your Dad had lived before, and will again, and in his new life, in your terms, springs out of the old, and is growing in the old and contained within it as the seed is already contained within the flower.

The after death environments are generally far more intense and joyful than the reality you now know. There are teachers to explain the conditions and circumstances.

All necessary explanations are given to those who are disoriented. Those who do not realize that they are dead are told of their true condition, and all efforts are made to refresh the energies and spirits.

There are always guides to help you understand your situation when you pass over.

So your Dad is RIP

PinPin 彬彬 said...

I understand how you feel as my dad passed away 15 years ago and i still miss him till this day.

Ya, we should live our lives to the fullest. I believe that would be the thing your dad and my dad want for the children -- to be strong and happy even without them by our sides. :)

Simple American said...

My mom died in November 19 years ago. My day died just 6 months earlier.

I think you remember your father so much better than I have remember my parents. What a touching memoir to him. You do him such honor. He must be very proud to have you as his son.

Monica said...

Ok its not his OWN mercedes but my friend has one and Ill take his picture for a ride in it :)

I hope he is well :) I never lost a parent, not yet and I hope not for a long time becasue I dont think I'd be able to handle it

Marvin Tan said...

can you please tell me...
what are the customs and traditions for the 1st death anniversary in a Chinese Family????

today is my father's vacation too.

i really need some help here...

thank you.

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